What You Give Me, What I Give You (inequality In The Couple)

One of the main causes of breakdown in a romantic relationship can be the inequality that one of its members perceives. Since this problem transcends the relationship, we are sure it is familiar to you.

Many times, our efforts to take care of someone, to show affection, to invest our valuable time in them, are not reciprocated. Are we selfish for thinking that we should receive something in exchange for our affection and dedication? Absolutely. We explain why.

1. Love does not demand rewards, but dedication

It is common that, at the beginning of a relationship, every detail and every word is taken care of. The dedication on the part of our partner is usually careful. However, as time goes by, attention declines to the point of laziness. The disinterest of any of its members in caring for the relationship is the clearest expression of inequality.

• The routine is usually one of the most dangerous enemies of the couple. Without realizing it, the spark of yesteryear that made us pay attention to every detail is gradually being lost. It happens so many times that we have to accept it. Moreover, at that point, the need to redirect the situation is imposed. Otherwise, the foundation of the relationship will be irretrievably unraveled.
• When we do something, we do not demand a reward, but that our dedication is valued with acts of trust. Let’s say you forgive your partner for being home late, or for forgetting to call you when they should.
• You give in on those little things because you understand what has happened. You consider that it is not a reason to push things to the limit. Now, if for similar reasons, he is unable to do the same as you, it is clear that the relationship is unequal. You don’t ask for a reward for forgiving or understanding a certain situation; what you demand is reciprocity.

2. The power play in love

• Those of a couple do not escape the power relations that prevail in society. On the contrary, they are a vivid reflection of them. Hence, inequality even seems something inherent to life as a couple. In fact, also in the couple, inequality takes place by virtue of a game of forces where one yields (almost always the same) and the other demands. Put more simply: where one gives and the other takes away. However, the affection and attraction that our partner exerts on us prevent us from seeing this imbalance clearly.
• Hence the importance of being vigilant in the face of the type of behaviors that imply submission. Stepping out is the only way we can assert ourselves. If your partner loves you, they will understand that you cannot act otherwise.
• If you give in to that power play, there will come a day when you feel completely alone. You will not have the slightest consideration from your partner. Your self-esteem will be very damaged. And, the frustration will not wait. You will be seized with that negative feeling that will make you wonder over and over again how you have been able to invest so much in a person that the only thing they have given you, in return, is unhappiness.

3. Not for offering more, you want more

You may have heard of Wendy’s syndrome. This term does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). However, psychology does capture this very common phenomenon, for cultural reasons, in women.

This syndrome characterizes those people who understand happiness as unconditional care for other people. This phenomenon is the counterpart of the Peter Pan syndrome. That is, of the immature adult, who refuses to assume his responsibilities. This is possible, to a large extent, because there is someone who facilitates it. It is possible that both a profile and another are close to you.

If you pursue, above all, the happiness of your loved ones, you should keep these tips in mind:

• You too deserve to be cared for, valued and respected. Demanding love is not being selfish; on the contrary: sincere and altruistic affection should be the basis of all sentimental relationships, including those of a couple. Remember it!
• Not by offering more, you receive more. It is possible that you are achieving the opposite of what you seek: that they use you only to achieve purposes. You are also a person who has needs of all kinds; also, affective.
• Look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Do I feel fulfilled? Do I still have the same illusions as the first day? Do I have the life I want? ” And even more: “Am I happy?”

In conclusion

To prevent inequality from beating the pulse of your relationship as well, fight so that that does not happen. They are small battles or negotiations that are fought on a day-to-day basis. Talk about your needs and wants with your partner. Demand respect. And above all, always remember that the two members must be valued equally. Dignity is non-negotiable.