How To Avoid Jealousy And Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry seems of little consequence. However, it is not as long as its duration can cause depression and low self-esteem in the near future. Because who wants to get on badly with his brother?

Anger, fights and arguments are completely normal, especially when there is little difference in age between them. Despite this, it is our duty, as parents, to be vigilant.

When we talk about jealousy, we are referring to a feeling that can end up degenerating into envy. Also, sibling rivalry will lead to unhealthy competition.

To avoid this, it is necessary to put into practice a series of resources that we have at hand. As parents, it is essential that we end such a situation as soon as possible.

How to avoid jealousy and sibling rivalry?

Here are some strategies to avoid jealousy and sibling rivalry. All require your special observation.

1. No comparisons

Even if you don’t want to admit it because you may not see it, sometimes we make comparisons between our children. Just by extolling the qualities of one and ignoring those of the other can already be a preliminary for the rivalry to start.

Remember that this stems from a fear of losing the parents’ attention, of becoming the “belittled” child, “the least worthwhile”, therefore, as this information from the Mayo Clinic points out, avoid comparisons .

Also, jealousy arises mostly from the older brother. He has had to share the attention that his parents when before only directed towards him. What’s more, he has had to observe how much pampering, care and attention his brother received when he was a baby.

Although we think that children do not know anything, a simple “little brother is better at school” or “is more sociable” can start a fight.

2. Be careful with your non-verbal communication

You probably think that your words are measured, that you have never verbally said anything that could lead to a sibling rivalry. However, you should not forget that your non-verbal communication says more than you think.

Up to 70% of what we communicate is non-verbal ; our gestures, our tone of voice, how we move… So, see if what you express in words corresponds to what you think.

Maybe those differences that you make with a brother are manifested in a slight look, a touch on the shoulder, a tender hug … With this, a child will know if he is “the favorite” or not, something that should never happen. Parents should never have a greater predilection for one child than the other.

Sometimes it happens, without realizing it and without wanting to, therefore, it is necessary that we do a little self-criticism and recognize if, indeed, this is the problem.

3. Rules are very important to avoid sibling rivalry.

As the information from the Mayo Clinic that we have already discussed points out, establishing rules at home is important and all members have to respect and follow them. Therefore, it will be very positive that, for example, there are some of the following normal:

• Personal and shared toys. Sometimes conflicts arise because the other brother’s belongings have been borrowed without asking permission. With the rules you will teach them the great value of sharing and asking for permission.

• Respect the personal space of the other. This will allow each one to have their own private area and will help them to know how to respect other people’s space as well, not just their brother’s.

In addition to all this, it is important that you never recriminate a fight or an attack of jealousy on the part of any of our children. Doing so will only increase your anxiety. Therefore, it will be very positive to talk to him and reassure him while you reflect on how your performance has not been the most appropriate.

Above all, be  careful not to leave any of the children in the background. We don’t realize that with phrases like “I can’t, I’m helping your brother” or “Can’t you see I’m busy?” We can unleash a strong rivalry between siblings.

To correct this, we can use “I can’t now, give me a few minutes” or “wait, I’m with you now . ” It looks the same, but it totally changes. The way you say it has a lot to do with it. Of course, we must not forget what the body communicates.

Ultimately, many of the things described above we do without realizing it. However, it is time to become aware of certain situations that may arise and to remedy it.

Remember that you always have the possibility to go to a professional ; a psychologist can be of help in these cases in which it is not known how to handle an intrafamily situation.