The Hugs That Our Children Give Us Are Gifts For The Heart

They do not do it very often and even less spontaneously, nor as many times as we would like. Now, when our children give us one of their hugs, the world stops, because they surprise us and then everything makes sense.

That is where the true happiness is, the one that does not require words and that shows us with a beautiful gesture I know that I do not tell you very often, but I love you, you are important to me and I thank you.

We are sure that as a mother, as a father, a grandfather, or even as a teacher, on more than one occasion you will have experienced that wonderful moment when a child spontaneously surrounds you with his arms.

Since it is something we love, it never hurts to know what we should do to make these emotional, full and sincere reactions repeat themselves.

Next, we will offer you some very simple, but effective keys.

Children’s hugs, the key to emotional health

We have talked to you very often about the benefits of hugs, how they help us to extinguish fears, to combat stress and strengthen the bond with the people we love.

Now, we are used to it being us who offer these samples to our children, but how to make them return them to us on a regular basis?

Take these dimensions into account.

We should not force the child to do anything that he does not want

When we talk about emotional learning and feelings, constraints or obligations do not work.

Something very common in some families is forcing the little ones to give a kiss to third parties when visitors arrive, or when there are casual encounters on the street.

When a child does not have confidence, they see that gesture as something annoying and uncomfortable. Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do is not recommended. 

Hugs are fully lived as long as they come from people who are significant to us.

A stranger does not have to touch our children, and if he is a friend of the family, we must allow the child himself to choose whether or not he wishes to approach spontaneously, but always using the correct courtesy.

Serves as a model on a day-to-day basis

In a healthy, happy and respectful family, hugs are something common and a gesture that is integrated normally.

Hugs are offered to give thanks, to congratulate when we do something well, when we need help, when we are afraid, we are sick or, simply, when we feel like it.

We cannot require the child to do something if he never sees it in its closest context.

Positive and meaningful gestures that are normalized in a family context are also integrated by the child. It will not be strange or uncomfortable to do so.

Respect their personality without sanctioning or criticizing

Something that many parents tend to do is criticize or “speak negatively” about some behavior of the child.

He is so shy, he is so closed…, he is so unloving, he is always so rough and he reacts in such a non-affective way.

In the end we cause the “self-fulfilling prophecy” to appear, that is, children end up doing what is expected of them, and something like this causes that, if at any given moment they want to offer a gesture loaded with closeness or affection, they are ashamed .

We should not label, or take a specific behavior as something permanent in a child. While it is true that there are more elusive than others when it comes to opening up emotionally, everyone appreciates these gestures.

There are moments when hugs are the only answer

Another way that children can understand the importance of hugs is to see them as cathartic, soothing, and something that, at times, does not require words. Actions only.

A hug or a show of affection is wonderful and healing when there is a lot of anxiety, when there are fears and insecurities.

Instead of saying don’t worry son, because everything will be fine and I will always be by your side , sometimes it is enough to wrap them for a few seconds with our hugs to give them the security they need.

The fact that the little ones realize this very early will make them feel “overwhelmed” in those moments when they themselves feel “overwhelmed”, they have no qualms about looking for us, requiring our closeness to feel supported.

Likewise, we all know very well that there are children who have a hard time saying I love you  so a furtive, unexpected and fleeting hug will make us understand instantly what they want to convey to us without using words.

It is something healing as well as wonderful.