5 Keys To Free Yourself From Resentment
Let’s see why freeing yourself from resentment is essential to living fully. As long as we have resentment in the heart there will be no room for forgiveness and for cleansing the soul.
Resentment is an anguish, a sadness that we feel and that manifests itself as a stab of pain that cannot be removed with painkillers. We have all been offended to a greater or lesser extent at times. Only if forgiveness does not appear, resentment and hostility begin to develop.
Resentment: the resentment that weighs on us
Resentment is a bitter and chronic memory of an injury that we have received and that time alone has not been able to erase. Deep down, there is the hope of revenge as a way to end this painful feeling.
In this sense, resentment is characterized by generating a host of negative emotions, such as hatred, anger and sadness. Likewise, the psychologist and professor Robert Enright states in his book “The Forgiven Life” that anger and negative thoughts are central characteristics of resentment.
At this point, it is clear that this resentment will have implications in our daily lives. Regardless of whether we feel dejected and unfortunate feelings predominate, we are not leaving room for positive emotions that do us good.
In this regard, Enright warns that those who harbor resentment may be reduced in their willingness to have good behavior with others. From resentment to hatred there is a very short journey, to the point that we can cross the line without realizing it.
Resentment is an enormous weight that does not allow us to move forward. It blocks us affectively and does not let the wisdom of time fulfill its healing role. Getting rid of resentment will take away excess baggage that does not belong to us and that only hurts us.
How to get rid of resentment?
Freeing yourself from resentment is not an easy task. More than theoretical it is completely practical. First we have to make a firm decision to want to end him.
Let’s see below 5 keys to begin to remedy this anguish that overwhelms us.
1. Accept resentment
The first thing we have to do is recognize that we are resentful and that this situation is disturbing us. Accepting that we have been hurt and understanding that we cannot live in the past is essential.
Claiming that someone has hurt us for no reason and that we harbor feelings of revenge is the first step in getting rid of resentment. Wanting revenge or retaliation does not make us bad people, but confirms that we are human beings and that we have a lot to learn.
2. Analyze what happened
The more time elapses from the moment of the offense, the easier we should find the objectivity to analyze what has happened. We could ask ourselves what happened and why.
Identifying the aggressor in a context that allows us to understand the reasons for his behavior is a step of maturity. Be careful! It is not about justifying, but about adopting an empathic behavior towards the other.
The intention of this analysis could be to dissociate the aggressor from the offense he has committed, understanding that his conduct does not define him as a person. The idea is to have a bigger picture in which we review their past, their customs and their other attitudes. In this way we can clearly see if it was just an isolated and unfortunate event or a habitual attitude.
3. Express the pain that is experienced
Externalizing the pain, disappointment, and sadness we feel is a great way to eliminate resentment. Every expression serves to channel the negative emotions that resentment generates.
4. Learn to forgive others and yourself to free yourself from resentment
We could say that forgiveness is an art, a philosophy of healthy life that allows us to keep our minds and hearts at peace. We have all been offended and we have offended someone, even if it was not our intention.
Making mistakes is part of the humanity that represents us. However, forgiveness also identifies us as human beings and we often grant it unconsciously. We have to live forgiveness in a more everyday and earthly way.
First forgive ourselves and allow ourselves to fail. I forgive myself because I have made a mistake and I am committed to trying again and trying to do better.
I forgive those who have offended me to free me from resentment. New paths open up for us and we free ourselves from prejudices and attitudes that limit us. We direct the energy that surrounds us towards situations that generate well-being.
5. Go to therapy
It is important that, if you feel that you are not able to manage the resentment yourself, you seek the help of a professional. Let go of pride and let them help you end the resentment that is only causing you harm.
“Grudge suffocates us, forgiveness oxygenates us.”
– Jiddu Krishnamurti-
